He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
