fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
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