I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
