just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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