don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
