I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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