3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
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I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
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I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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