Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
