did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
