We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
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