sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
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I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
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