I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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