Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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