why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Randomize
