I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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