i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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