HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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