You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
