When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I believe in your delicious
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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