Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
