so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
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