You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
i think im in europe. pls send help
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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