so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
