I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
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