i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
