So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
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