Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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