hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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