it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
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And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
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Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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