wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Blood and glitter go together right?
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
