Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
