Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
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