Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Randomize
