just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
