dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Randomize
