Have you finally orgasmed yet?
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
