Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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