WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
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Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
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Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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