apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
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Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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