Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
