i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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