Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
