OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
