Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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