I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
