You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
we're so committed to being not committed
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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