I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
