I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Go christen that room with your naked body.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Randomize
