party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
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