member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
