I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize
