Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
