i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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