What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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