We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
