I just pynch a tree in the face
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Randomize
