your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I supernannyed him into submission
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
