every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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