I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Randomize
