Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
