I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
