I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
