i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
