someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
P.S. I can't hear my feet
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
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