I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
