How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
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