I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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