hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
These tits shall not be calmed
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
